Beginning

I must say that the fact this blog is created on a Sunday is quite serendipitous. Indeed, a very very early Sunday, but the beginning of a new day and a new week nontheless.  I was scrolling through photos on my cell, scanning through from the first photo all the way through to my most recent and analyzing and surveying my life and how it has evolved over the last couple of years since I received my trusty Blackberry.  The first photo is of my brother, making a goofy face, and I can't help but smile everytime I see it. Its such a classic 'Mike face'.  The next photo is of Ben and I. Which I guess is where a decent fraction for this blog is born and dedicated.

Just after climbing into bed, I read the love letter by Lludwig Van Beethoven entitle My Immortal Beloved outloud to my own beloved. It is one of my favorite works of short literature. Ben was snuggled beside me and as I opened the pages of my book, past notes he had written to me tumbled out. The first note I picked up to reread was a Thank You note for an excellent dinner I had made for him.  Seared scallops and an apparent 'special sauce' that accompanied them. (He reminded me the special sauce was a generous helping of pure Vermont maple syrup, I should have known!) Anyways, I turned to the well worn creases between pages 56 and 57 and read him the letter.  "Ever mine, ever thine, ever ours." The passage always touches a deep space in my heart that seems to ignite the soul and remind me of my treasures.  Now, forgive me for the not so short prelude.  After reading the passage is when I began the scroll through my photos. As I was reminded of the events to which I captured in a freeze-frame, I noticed a simple but common element. To each photo that flipped to the screen, I smiled just a bit or let out a quiet chuckle. They each captured an effortless glimpse to times of refreshing blissfulness.  Holidays, vacations, quick snapshots of my pets, family, Ben and I being silly, a double rainbow, an early Gallatin Valley summer morning, a plate full of Seattle's best sushi. Easy photos, but tastefull all the same. 

As I turned to the last few photos, I experienced an almost let-down effect as I realized what a dramatic change I have let myself venture through. I looked at my wrist bones and the outline of the veins in my arms, visible even from the dim light of the computer screen in an otherwise dark room. I instantly recovered memories of not-so-long ago at the mood swings. The lethargism. I felt along my temple at my stress vein that Iv so recently covered by chopping off my bangs and distracting myself with a new haircut and new color. Another change that has seemed so necessary. I am now even thinking of the spry blue Audi I just replaced with a rather mundane black SUV. I have become so self-centered and inward, taking foregranted those who care so much for my well-being. I have taken foregranted hugs, little dances in the kitchen, little simple pleasures. Waking up to a routine that has been unified around the concept of control and having an ambivalence to regain a healthy lifestyle.

Its time for a true awakening. And it is going to begin with a scrumptious Sunday. It is going to begin by taking my wonderful boyfriend out for breakfast at our favorite morning destination: The Nova Cafe. I am ordering a large, fresh squeezed orange juice, coffee, awaiting to hear the daily specials but probably deciding on ol' reliable Turkey Hash with sourdough bread. A Sunday newspaper, a crossword puzzle, some across-the-table kisses and subtle flirting will finalize the wonderful eatery outing. Following breakfast, Im driving us to Drinking Horse Mountain for a midday romp, and from there, let the day take us where it may! I am ready for restoration. I know that sounds like an old automobile or some money-pit housing investment, but Im not afraid to place myself in that category. I realize the immense amount of optimism here, and I am conscious and well aware that set backs may come, but I truly believe I am ready for yet another change. Im ready for a bit of G.I. Jane ass-kicking.